The most astounding revelation I have received in marriage is my own selfishness. I always assumed that I would be a great wife, a wife ready to submit, a wife ready to serve and a wife ready to live for her husband. There was just one really big issue that I didn't seem to grasp at the time, and still don't always now, my husband. I know how that sounds and it's not exactly what I mean. My husband is not the problem. His sinful heart is not the problem and it's not his leadership either. The problem is my heart, my sinfulness and my desire for my husband.
"Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." Genesis 3:16b
When I was single, I REALLY misunderstood this verse. I read it and thought, "Ah! See there it is! My desire to have a husband is a part of the curse! It's right there, "your desire shall be for your husband". So there really is a reason I so badly desire not to be single, it's not just discontent, it's Eve's fault! It wasn't until my husband and I were making our way through premarital counseling that this verse was explained to me. Our pastor told me this verse was not speaking of a desire to love my husband, to serve my husband or to have my husband. This verse was speaking of my desire to RULE OVER my husband. Oh.... So, not as romantic as I had originally thought. This verse is speaking of a sinful heart, a sinful heart that I know full well is residing in my chest. There it is clearly laid out in the curse for all women for all time, our desire will be to lead.
But, God! Thankfully has not left me here. He sent His one and only Son to this earth. He took on the sin of many and died that we may be brought as sons and daughters before the throne of God. Praise to the Lamb who was slain! Praise God for bringing one such as I before His throne clothed in the righteousness of Christ and covered by His blood. I am no longer a slave to sin but rather a daughter covered by the blood of the Lamb!
So, the great revelation, my selfishness. I don't like being told what to do, I don't like not making the decisions and I REALLY don't like not being right. But whether I like it or not, God has called me according to His will to be a wife and as such I must follow His commandments. He has called me as His daughter to glorify Him. This is where Martha comes in with some pretty terrific reminders. She reminds me of what I as a wife need to remember about God. Often I like to think that I can glorify God through a life of grand adventures, of 'helping' others or by some other 'fulfilling' quest (sorry I'm listening to Pirates of the Caribbean music as I write this). Here is where Martha takes the time to remind me that God already has a plan for me! He does not leave me to find me own way, for He knows that I would lead myself only to darkness, He already has a plan for me which is to serve Him and to do that means I must serve my husband.
Sometimes, and I know this will come as a big surprise, serving my husband doesn't feel like such an exciting venture, sometimes it feels like really hard work and again my selfish heart really starts working overtime on the "poor me" track. But God! God is a compassionate Father who knows my weaknesses, my struggles and the hurts of my heart. And because I know this I can trust Him. I can trust Him FULLY! Even when I feel like I'm right and my husband is wrong. Even when I struggle with submission and the providence that I have met in my life, I am reminded that I can trust Him!
Which leads me to Martha's next point, God's strength and understanding are unlimited. He knows exactly where I am, what has led me here and where my life will go next. And not only that but He knows what's best for me and how I can best glorify Him!! And on from there...God is working! He brings purpose to my life! He will work all things for my good!
The following portion that Martha addresses is one that really gets me. "God wants you to be a joyful and fulfilled wife." Not only has God saved me through the sacrifice of His only Son, called me to glorify Him by serving my husband, is compassionate to my struggles, understands my life and works the best for me through good and bad, but He also wants me to be happy in this role? Lord give me grace to see how wondrous are your works!!! He works through every situation, for His glory, our good and gives us the grace that we might be joyful and fulfilled in where He has placed us!
So Martha has walked me through what I need to remember about God in my calling as a wife and now moves on to the next part of the chapter discussing what I need to know about myself and my work as a wife.
I'll be honest this next paragraph very much reminds me of a point my parents struggled to drill into my head as a young child, cleaning my room with a happy heart! How true it is to my sinful heart that the things I was taught as a child are often the very same issues I struggle with as an adult. Its the whole idea that you can't just complete the work and think that you've done well, it's a matter of the heart. In this section my dear Martha brings up point that I have long struggled with, she says (it best), "It will help you to have the right attitude if you focus on what you are supposed to be doing, not on what your husband is supposed to be doing." Oh yeah, there's the truth of it. It is so easy for me to point at my husband and tell you all the ridiculous things he's doing or choices he's making for us. Shame on me. I need to encourage him, build him up, serve him and pray for him! God give me the strength to focus on my duties and question my heart's motives!
Martha dedicates her next point to emphasize that my good works have eternal worth. The verse she shares is like water to my dry bones.
"For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come." 1 Timothy 4:8
Have I mentioned my little phrase, conviction 101? Well, Martha provides it again in her next point. She is speaking of how I as a wife need not fear. God has provided a clear plan for me to follow and if I obey Him, I have nothing to fear, so why do I? Here is where the conviction part comes in and I have to quote her again. "However, the most likely reason that you may be afraid to do what God wants is that you are afraid you won't have your own way." Here is my selfish heart again beating it's way to the surface. Surely I know whats best for me? Surely I can choose the right way? Wrong again my heart! God has shown the way and I must follow with trust and obedience! Which leads to the next point, my life as a Christian wife must be God-centered instead of self-centered.
"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2
Christ sets my example, He focused on "the joy that was set before Him" and surrendered all. So must I follow His life and set my eyes upon Him, only then will I find fulfillment in the role that God has placed me. Only if I set my eyes on Jesus and this joy will I be able to "actively choose" to be submissive to my husband thereby following the will of God for my life and finding myself under His "protective authority".
I need to remember that my husband is not perfect, but that my Savior is and so is His plan. He has placed me specifically under my husband's rule. So as I find myself under my husband's authority I also find myself in God's will and there is no safer place to be. May I rest in this truth! And while I'm typing away about my husband's imperfections may I remember my own, even as they are laid out in the Word of God. Through His will and therefore through my husband, God is protecting me from the influence of the world (and oh how the world pulls at my heart strings in the most unbelievably subtle ways!), the devil's schemes (how little I understand his trickery) and my so easily deceived heart (my pride strikes hard at this for it is the truth of my heart). May I trust in the Lord even when my husband fails, even when I fail for He shall never fail! He has devised this plan of submission and of the husband ruling over the wife, to protect me! Glory be to God!
"Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us." 1 John 4:17-19
Selfishness haunts a good marriage. I was convinced I already knew how to be the Prov. 31 wife and it was his fault for not realizing how great I was! How quickly did I become the nagging wife who pulled her house down around ghee ears. Thank you for your passionate reminder of Christ and his work for us. Our husbands are not our Gods nor our Saviors but they are our leaders. We have been given them by our loving God and Savior. Once you loaned me the book, For Women Only. It addressed your inner monologue in one chapter. That helped me a lot. It is hard to love a man outwardly when I was tearing him down inwardly! A habit the Lord helped me put a stop too. I love you and thank you for your blunt honesty and encouragement. :)
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