The Excellent Wife - Chapter 2

The most astounding revelation I have received in marriage is my own selfishness.  I always assumed that I would be a great wife, a wife ready to submit, a wife ready to serve and a wife ready to live for her husband.  There was just one really big issue that I didn't seem to grasp at the time, and still don't always now, my husband.  I know how that sounds and it's not exactly what I mean.  My husband is not the problem.  His sinful heart is not the problem and it's not his leadership either.  The problem is my heart, my sinfulness and my desire for my husband.  

"Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." Genesis 3:16b

When I was single, I REALLY misunderstood this verse.  I read it and thought, "Ah!  See there it is!  My desire to have a husband is a part of the curse!  It's right there, "your desire shall be for your husband".  So there really is a reason I so badly desire not to be single, it's not just discontent, it's Eve's fault!  It wasn't until my husband and I were making our way through premarital counseling that this verse was explained to me.  Our pastor told me this verse was not speaking of a desire to love my husband, to serve my husband or to have my husband.  This verse was speaking of my desire to RULE OVER my husband.  Oh....  So, not as romantic as I had originally thought.  This verse is speaking of a sinful heart, a sinful heart that I know full well is residing in my chest. There it is clearly laid out in the curse for all women for all time, our desire will be to lead. 

        But, God!  Thankfully has not left me here.  He sent His one and only Son to this earth. He took on the sin of many and died that we may be brought as sons and daughters before the throne of God. Praise to the Lamb who was slain!  Praise God for bringing one such as I before His throne clothed in the righteousness of Christ and covered by His blood. I am no longer a slave to sin but rather a daughter covered by the blood of the Lamb!

       So, the great revelation, my selfishness.  I don't like being told what to do, I don't like not making the decisions and I REALLY don't like not being right.  But whether I like it or not, God has called me according to His will to be a wife and as such I must follow His commandments.  He has called me as His daughter to glorify Him.  This is where Martha comes in with some pretty terrific reminders.  She reminds me of what I as a wife need to remember about God.  Often I like to think that I can glorify God through a life of grand adventures, of 'helping' others or by some other 'fulfilling' quest (sorry I'm listening to Pirates of the Caribbean music as I write this).  Here is where Martha takes the time to remind me that God already has a plan for me!  He does not leave me to find me own way, for He knows that I would lead myself only to darkness, He already has a plan for me which is to serve Him and to do that means I must serve my husband.

     Sometimes, and I know this will come as a big surprise, serving my husband doesn't feel like such an exciting venture, sometimes it feels like really hard work and again my selfish heart really starts working overtime on the "poor me" track.   But God!  God is a compassionate Father who knows my weaknesses, my struggles and the hurts of my heart.  And because I know this I can trust Him.  I can trust Him FULLY!  Even when I feel like I'm right and my husband is wrong.  Even when I struggle with submission and the providence that I have met in my life, I am reminded that I can trust Him!

      Which leads me to Martha's next point, God's strength and understanding are unlimited.  He knows exactly where I am, what has led me here and where my life will go next.  And not only that but He knows what's best for me and how I can best glorify Him!!  And on from there...God is working!  He brings purpose to my life!  He will work all things for my good!  

      The following portion that Martha addresses is one that really gets me.  "God wants you to be a joyful and fulfilled wife."  Not only has God saved me through the sacrifice of His only Son, called me to glorify Him by serving my husband, is compassionate to my struggles, understands my life and works the best for me through good and bad, but He also wants me to be happy in this role?  Lord give me grace to see how wondrous are your works!!! He works through every situation, for His glory, our good and gives us the grace that we might be joyful and fulfilled in where He has placed us!

     So Martha has walked me through what I need to remember about God in my calling as a wife and now moves on to the next part of the chapter discussing what I need to know about myself and my work as a wife.  

     I'll be honest this next paragraph very much reminds me of a point my parents struggled to drill into my head as a young child, cleaning my room with a happy heart!  How true it is to my sinful heart that the things I was taught as a child are often the very same issues I struggle with as an adult.  Its the whole idea that you can't just complete the work and think that you've done well, it's a matter of the heart.  In this section my dear Martha brings up point that I have long struggled with, she says (it best), "It will help you to have the right attitude if you focus on what you are supposed to be doing, not on what your husband is supposed to be doing."  Oh yeah, there's the truth of it.  It is so easy for me to point at my husband and tell you all the ridiculous things he's doing or choices he's making for us.  Shame on me.  I need to encourage him, build him up, serve him and pray for him!  God give me the strength to focus on my duties and question my heart's motives!

    Martha dedicates her next point to emphasize that my good works have eternal worth.  The verse she shares is like water to my dry bones.

"For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come." 1 Timothy 4:8

   Have I mentioned my little phrase, conviction 101?  Well, Martha provides it again in her next point.  She is speaking of how I as a wife need not fear.  God has provided a clear plan for me to follow and if I obey Him, I have nothing to fear, so why do I?  Here is where the conviction part comes in and I have to quote her again. "However, the most likely reason that you may be afraid to do what God wants is that you are afraid you won't have your own way."  Here is my selfish heart again beating it's way to the surface.  Surely I know whats best for me?  Surely I can choose the right way? Wrong again my heart!  God has shown the way and I must follow with trust and obedience!  Which leads to the next point, my life as a Christian wife must be God-centered instead of self-centered.

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."  Hebrews 12:1-2

Christ sets my example, He focused on "the joy that was set before Him" and surrendered all.  So must I follow His life and set my eyes upon Him, only then will I find fulfillment in the role that God has placed me. Only if I set my eyes on Jesus and this joy will I be able to "actively choose" to be submissive to my husband thereby following the will of God for my life and finding myself under His "protective authority".

         I need to remember that my husband is not perfect, but that my Savior is and so is His plan.  He has placed me specifically under my husband's rule.  So as I find myself under my husband's authority I also find myself in God's will and there is no safer place to be.  May I rest in this truth!  And while I'm typing away about my husband's imperfections may I remember my own, even as they are laid out in the Word of God.  Through His will and therefore through my husband, God is protecting me from the influence of the world (and oh how the world pulls at my heart strings in the most unbelievably subtle ways!), the devil's schemes (how little I understand his trickery) and my so easily deceived heart (my pride strikes hard at this for it is the truth of my heart).  May I trust in the Lord even when my husband fails, even when I fail for He shall never fail!  He has devised this plan of submission and of the husband ruling over the wife, to protect me!   Glory be to God!

"Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world.  There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.  But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.  We love Him because He first loved us."  1 John 4:17-19

The Excellent Wife - Chapter 1

      I have been extremely blessed by growing up in a Christian home.  I have loving parents and siblings and was raised with family worship every day and church every Sunday morning and Wednesday night. Someone once asked me if I was raised by a pastor with consistent biblical teaching how I even knew when I was saved.  I was young when this question was posed to me and I'm not sure how I answered the question then but I know how I would answer now.  There is a difference between someone teaching you the Word of God and the importance of salvation and knowing it yourself.  There is a difference between hearing the truth of the Gospel and understanding it in your heart.  I was about nine years old when the Lord saved my dead and depraved heart.  I still remember kneeling at my bed and praying for God to save me and I still remember being so nervous when I went into my father's room to tell him I wanted to be baptized. (It's different when your Dad is your pastor too!)  I am so thankful that the Lord worked in my heart and brought me from the dead to His amazing light, grace and love.  I am also very ashamed at how long of a journey its been, how hard it has been for me to take the principals, standards and laws of God into my own heart.  It has been surprisingly difficult to make a matter of what I know a matter of the heart, but the promises of God are sure and faithful!  He has been a merciful Savior to bring me where I am now and to continue to teach and guide me to His word.  I am thankful that He has brought me safe thus far to a point where my heart longs to learn how to serve and love my husband.  Praise be to God that He has provided for us older women to learn from! So begins my read through Chapter 1.  

         I'll be honest, love is not at all what I thought and imagined it would be while growing up.  I read far too many romance novels (as my Mom can attest too) and listened to Delilah way too often.  Yes, it's true my Dad took away Delilah radio privileges and also our "Titanic" soundtrack.  I'm pretty sure we broke the record for how many times you can listen to "My Heart Will Go On" and wasted way too many tears over it.  So when Martha Peace shared how God had answered her prayers by giving her a deep love for her husband it really made me think.  I will tell anyone and everyone from the roof tops that my husband is the love of my life and my soul mate, but I also know that my love for him is small and selfish because it comes from a weak and sinful heart.  Reading this chapter made me realize that I need to really evaluate not only my love for my husband but also the state of my heart in this love.  I want to love him by submitting to him, serving him and sacrificing for him.  In these first few years of marriage I have truly felt sometimes like I was losing my identity in him.  It's not easy submitting to someone else or trusting that they know whats best, but that is in fact what we as wives are called to do.  Is there any greater calling than to lose your life and find yourself alive in Christ?  It truly is beautiful how God has arranged every element of marriage for our benefit and His glory!

          Martha Peace continues on in the chapter discussing next what the will of God is for every wife, a focused ministry to her husband.  I lovingly refer to this particular section as "Conviction 101".  I have to quote her here because nothing else will do. "Her husband should be the primary benefactor of his wife's time and energy, not the recipient of what may be left over at the end of the day."  As my hubby has recently switched to a night shift this truth is more critical to me now than it ever has been before.  I work full time as a boutique manager for probably the greatest boss ever.  He respects my priority to my husband, never asks me to do anything out of the range of submission and gives me Sundays off.  This all makes my role as a wife so much more simple.  There are certainly days when I feel exhausted, discouraged, frustrated and discontent but all these things need to be set aside when I come home.  I need to not simply give my husband whatever I have been able to pull together on the drive home, he is to have the best of me.  This means putting away with just a happy face and all lip service.  It means I must truly have a happy heart of service to my husband.  Practically?  I need to listen and really listen when he speaks to me.  I need to engage, not just simply nod and shake my head, but immerse myself in the conversation and care about what he is communicating to me.  I need to clean, cook, work out and whatever else we might need to do that night without murmuring or complaining.  And let me tell you after a long day at work complaining is one of my favorite things to do.  I also need to realize that if I don't start working on this now, I won't have a flying chance once I am (Lord willing) a stay at home mom!

       Thankfully, dear Martha doesn't leave me here.  She continues through the end of the chapter dealing with the fact that in spite of my totally depraved heart, I have hope.  God has not left me alone in this task, He has provided a Helper!  "If you love Me, keep My commandments.  And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever --- the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him or knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.  I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you."  (John 14:15-18) She encourages me to place my confidence in God and His faithfulness.  Does His character ever change?  He enables me through the Spirit to obey His commandments and to submit to my husband!  So thankful for the reminder that God provides and that He knew exactly what He was doing when He placed me in the arms of my husband.

        So as I finish reading this chapter I am left again to pray, pray over Proverbs 31, pray for my dear husband who has the daunting task of leading a sinner as I and pray that together God may use us for His glory!

"As a beautiful flower in the light of the morning sun reflects the glory of God's creation, an excellent wife reflects God's glory by her attitudes and actions."

-M. Peace

The Start - The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace

It has been quite some time since I have done any kind of blogging.  I never discovered a particular subject I was very interested in focusing on and without that felt blogging to be kind unnecessary and simply used Facebook notes instead. 

However, there has recently been a series at church preached on the wife's role in marriage particularly centering in on the passage in Ephesians 5 dealing with submission.*  These few Sundays left me feeling quite convicted of not only my laziness at home but also my selfishness as a spouse.  I usually like to think of myself as quite self sacrificing and loving.  My pride will always be a huge issue and also simply not taking the time to self evaluate my heart and where my priorities lie.  

With this reminder at church and the fact that this particular book has been sitting in my bookshelf since Christmas I finally got up early enough and started to read.  

At first I thought maybe I would try to find someone to read through this book with me but honestly the idea of making the time to get together with one person, at the same time each week, to discuss this book is a little out of the question when it comes to The Groves family schedule.  

So then of course my next thought was to simply write about it, sort of a journal.  But I would really like to seek your thoughts on each chapter and maybe, by God's grace, encourage you as well.  All of that said, I am by no means an expert when it comes to marriage and fail my loving husband miserably each day.  I also hope that you will take my blogs with a grain of salt, realizing I am a sinner and by no means to be considered any type of 'older woman'.  I do highly encourage you no matter what stage of life you are in to seek the advice and resources of the older women found in the local church.  God does not command where He doesn't supply.  They are out there and willing to help!  I am so very thankful for the wonderful times of advice and hard honesty I have received in particular from my loving mother, Cindy, my inspiring sister, Abby and my amazing co-worker, Deanna.  Without the advice, love and prayer of these women I have no idea how I would have made it through the first year of marriage.  

This is simply a space for me to share my thoughts with you on this ridiculously convicting book.


"Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:24

*To listen to the sermons noted above please visit this link:

"Christianity and the Family: The Relationship between a Christian Woman and her Husband." Part I & II